#91: Tarot Journal: The First Card

Eight of Swords

I drew my first card from the new (and freshly shuffled, for the first time) deck. The Eight of Swords. I don’t know the meanings yet, just the image. A swan is trapped among vines and swords, crying for help. A shadowy figure with the face of a man, wrapped in a shroud of darkness, lurks in the background, his eyes closed. His hands and arms are spread open, suggesting the vines and thorns originate from him. His expression is almost sad. From the center of the darkness of the shrowd, above the desperate swan who struggles amongst the bones of other swans, but below the dark man, is a bright green hummingbird, with a white chest that has a bright red center. A sphere seems to protect it from the vines, and it eminates light, it’s wings are spread to show that unlike, it can fly.

The swan is myself, trapped, struggling, desperate and alone. A force of great darkness surrounds me, and indeed I am deep within it, surrounded but now, it seems, trapped. I’ve come into the darkness for comforts, hoping answers may find me. The darkness is the dark man’s cape, and he seems to be holding with it. The dark man is the past, and the past is what I’ve sought, but I’ve become entranced with it and ensnared in it’s vice. I’m crying out because I’m lonely. The bones are the people O have been who have died. Like the swan I am beautiful beautiful, but I’m mourning for the losses surrounding me, and desperately in need of the comfort of another. The hummingbird is the future, it is light, and a way forward. The hummingbird is inside the darkness. It’s light may be a protection, and indeed the hummingbird itself is protected by the sphere of light. Perhaps this light and protection will guide me safely into the deeper darkness, giving me hope and safety while learning the messages the dark has to teach.

I am all three figures. I am the man who shrouds himself in darkness, sending out thorny vines to ensnare both other people and myself. I amthe swan, crying for help, wings intact but stilled, surrounded by the bones of my former selves, my former loves, my former states of mind. I am the hummingbird, shining in the midst of the darkness, boldly traveling it’s passages and learning.

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