I think I’ve experienced an epiphany.
I don’t want a boyfriend. I don’t want a husband, I don’t want a relationship. I say this no in an attempt to justify my loneliness, it’s just that I don’t think I need anyone else to define me.
It suddenly hit me that I have no idea who I am, and it will be a long time before I ever even have a clue. In the midst of that confusion, how can I be in a relationship? It’s a full time job being in a relationship with myself. To give of myself to another person is to take away love that needs to be constantly pumped like an IV into myself, emotionally. It’s not fair to either of us. I simply don’t have enough of me to give to someone else, not now at least. I still want love, companionship, passion, trust… but maybe I can have all those things without being in a relationship, and without hurting anyone.