Two New Songs

So I’ve recently been getting really into Regina Spektor’s music, even though I’ve known about her and owned some of her albums for a long time, and as such I’ve been feeling really creative, and I can definitely see this far-off dream of creating a musical album coming closer as more and more lyrics start to pour out of me. The journey toward writing again after basically destroying all of my poetry and stories shortly after finishing high school has been long, but I think that I’ve awakened a part of myself that isn’t afraid to speak frankly or to share my own sadness, remorse, and humor honestly. Some of the lyrics I’m about to post here terrified me when I wrote them, but that helps me to know I’ve done an honest job writing them. Expect an update on my long suffering story that will hopefully become a novel someday soon, as well as some material from that. For now I’m going to document some of these new lyrics that I’ve written, and I’m feeling very excited for having written them.


I could love Jonathon
But I’m not David
‘Cause I don’t fuck women on a regular basis
And I’m not Alexander
But I might be Hephaestian
It all depends on how you conquer
Take me down and break me in
And I could be Achilles if you promise
That you’ll rub my feet
I don’t know if I’m Patroclus
These Grecian boys are all in heat
If there is any male in you
Then I would like it
If there isn’t a male in you
Then I will fix that
I’ve been saving my seeds for the summer
But winter is always warmer


I’m not safe in Moscow
The brightly colored cathedral will not welcome me inside
I’m not safe in North Carolina
My home is not my land of pride
And people wanna know
“Hey there young man what are you thinking?”
But I don’t wanna tell them
I don’t drink the drink they’re drinking
But still
I feel
I am a virus
And still
They say
“These people want to kill us.”
I’m not safe in the town square
Even though the stoners always like me
I’m not safe in the roadside cafe
In the bathroom stalls or in the school auditorium assembly
I’m not safe in the country I live in
And I’m not safe in the countries I don’t
And I am white and I am male
But that doesn’t mean I’m safe at all
I am a virus
I am a plague
Come to destroy your children
I am a sickness
And I am a weakness
And I am everything you’re hiding
I’m not a martyr but I bet you would like that
Cause I’m not safe anywhere
I don’t want a savior but no one would save me
The people who hate me secretly want to rape me
I am a virus, I am a virus, I am a virus
I’m not safe behind stained glass windows
I’m not safe in my family’s house
I’m not safe in the arms of my father
And I would leave this planet but there’s no way out
I’ll never be a martyr and I’ll never be a father and I’ll never date your daughter and I’ll never live in a big house with antlers on the walls
I’ll never feel at home here, but I’ll never be alone here
I am what you’re afraid of
I am the virus inside of you
And the virus my love is the truth


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