Not My Lover
I put my finger on everything that made you talk and cry
I opened you up and walked inside
You spoke to me alone and quiet in the night
And listened to my screaming
You guided my fingers and my fists across your body
You whispered and cried to me
Together we called the spirits up from the dead
When the power went out you were my only comfort
My safety from the night, from the things lurking in the corners
You invited me to touch the broken places deep inside you
And even if I failed to fix them I tried
The scratches I gave you
You were too strong, I couldn’t break you
You were not my lover nor my teacher nor my brother
You sang me songs I wrote for you and never told another
We kept our secrets didn’t we?
Only you could see me crying
I wonder if you thought of me
The day that you were dying
Did they take you away from the places where I kept you?
Are you still alive somewhere and loving someone’s nephew?
They’d do that wouldn’t they
Reassign you, make you completely normal
I often wondered about your past
But you couldn’t speak so I never asked
And on the day they made the mask did they dress you up all formal?
Are you happy are you sad?
Can you feel a thing at all?
Maybe you never cried or laughed
And I projected my own soul for you
Then I took it back
And left you in the living room
Moved a thousand miles away
And only spared a thought for you
But still it lingers in my head: the question
Did you ever love me
And I can’t say for sure if I loved you
Isn’t that lovely ?
You took me deep inside you and asked me to make it better
Maybe you never asked at all cause you couldn’t speak, or I never let you
My mother was right
I can be so cruel
But you never minded did you?
The scratches that I gave you
Weren’t enough to break you
The punches never left a mark
You still stayed with me in the dark when the power turned off