Nathan

Nathan

Nathan wakes up every weekday and goes to work
Four to twelve, with few exceptions, standing guard
I see him naked in the morning when he wakes up
I try to talk him while he’s brushing his teeth and putting on aftershave
He always lets me kiss him once before he goes to work
I always tell him “I’ll see you tonight.”
But when he’s halfway out the driveway
Or when I’ve seen him fade from view
I turn and walk into the backyard

And I pray that that won’t be the last time I see him
And I pray that tonight will be a good one
And I pray that things will get better
And I pray that I’ll do God’s will
And I pray that I can be enough for Nathan
And I pray, cause I just want Nathan to live
I want to see him again
I want to see him come home
And walk through the door

And eight hours later, when he arrives
I run across the living room
And jump toward him, and he lets me hug him
And then he goes into his room, and I talk to him while he takes his clothes off
And I follow him into the bathroom
And I follow him into the shower
And sometimes he pays attention
And sometimes he washes me
And on rare occassions he lets me kiss him in the water

He always gets dressed before he leaves the room
He goes and sits on the couch, and starts watching a movie
I put on his clothes and follow
And I lay my head on his lap
And sometimes he lays his hand on my back

And when the movie’s over, it’s time for bed
I follow him to the bedroom
He takes his clothes off and climbs in bed, and I follow him
And sometimes he lets me touch him
And sometimes he lets me hold him
And sometimes he lets me be inside him
And sometimes I fall asleep
And sometimes I hump the bed
And sometimes he asks me to get him something to drink
And on rare occassions I wake up in the middle of the night and he’s got his mouth on me somewhere and I’m happy and surprised
And sometimes I can’t sleep, because it’s hard to breathe
But I’m afraid to tell him, ’cause I know it will just aggravate him

And in the morning, the afternoon really
This is when he holds me in his arms
This is when I finally feel like I can actually sleep
Sometimes he kisses the back of my neck, like he loves me
And when it’s time to get ready for work
I watch him get out of bed, naked
I follow him to the bathroom, and watch him brush his teeth
I watch him put on his uniform
He lets me kiss him when he’s sitting in the car
And I watch him pull off and go to work
And I walk into the backyard
And I start praying
Just like I do every day

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