#33: Not Feeling Too Good Right Now

I’m a big crazy jumgled mix of emotions right now. I’m feeling a lot of things at once, and I’m absolutely exhausted, and it’s just, I don’t know.

First of all, I had my second therapy appointment today. I was tired last night, but I went to bed at around 1AM, I woke up again 3AM, and didn’t fall back asleep until 6AM. Then at 9AM I had to get up for my appointment, and later on at home I was so exhausted that I could barely talk and I took a nap at 4 for about two hours. I’ve pretty much spent the remainder of the day, after getting the house clean, on the computer, as I usually do.

I don’t know, I’m just feeling a lot of things right now. I’m really feeling regret because I haven’t been a good boyfriend. I’ve not been good to the person I love, and he deserves all my best, and I so badly wish that I was stable and I had my life together so that I could be an equal partner to him, I’m so scared and I just want us to stay together and to be alright. I feel like I’ve been snapping for a while now, and I’m starting to feel a little depressed but on the other hand I’m feeling hopeful. On top of that, I’m tired, and I just… I don’t know, I’m feeling all these things and I want to be honest and get my feelings out, but I can barely keep up with them because they’re whizzing around me, and I’m just so tired and exhausted and sad and in love and happy and scared and strong all at the same time. I just need to get some sleep and I think I’ll feel better. Pray for me.

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